Are You Addicted to Anger?
?>
Download eBooks and Software
 The Lotto Black Book
This Radical Approach To An Online Sales Letter Converts In The 3-5%... We've Never Seen Something Like This Since The Early Days Of 2004-2005 And I'm Sure You Haven't Either... We Convert More Than Our Competition And We Pay Out More... Try It!
Paleo Recipe Book - Brand New Paleo Cookbook
Brand New Paleo Diet Cookbook With Over 370 Recipes. Pays 70% Commission On This High-quality, Easy To Sell Product. Get Banners And Promotional Material At Http://paleorecipebook.com/affiliates.html
Real Writing Jobs
New & Improved Pricing Structure With Multiple Price Points, Downsells, And Upsells. Doing Better Than Ever! Plus, We Keep Emailing All Interested Users With Your Affiliate Link In The Emails To Make Sure You Get Credit! Realwritingjobs.com/affiliates.php
Articles > Self Improvement and MotivationAre You Addicted to Anger?
by: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
Michael was raised in a home where anger was used to control. His parents used their anger to attempt to control each other as well as their children. Sometimes the anger erupted into violence and Michael and his siblings would get physically hurt. Michael never knew when one of his parents would suddenly become enraged, so the threat was always there.
Michael was the oldest of four children and was often put in charge of taking care of his siblings. He often took out on his siblings his fear and rage at being abused by his parents. While some part of Michael didnt want to be like his parents, this was all he knew.
As an adult, Michael struggles with his frequent anger at his wife and children. His wife threatened to leave him if he didnt get some help, which is what led him to consult with me.
Michael, anger is often used to cover up another, more painful feeling. What do you think you are covering up with your anger? I asked.
I dont know. I just get so frustrated and then out comes the anger.
What did you feel as a child, besides scared, when your parents were angry and violent with you?
I guess I felt pretty much alone.
You must have felt very alone and uncared for and also helpless over what was happening.
Yes, I felt so helpless! I hated feeling so alone and helpless. It was so scary. I couldnt wait to get bigger so I wouldnt feel so helpless.
What triggers that helpless feeling now?
HummI guess its when my wife and kids dont do what I want them to do or what I think they should do.
So rather than feel and accept your helplessness over them, which is the reality but is a difficult feeling to feel, you avoid feeling that old helplessness by trying to control them with your anger, just as your parents did. Is that right?
I guess so. I guess I try to control them rather than feel helpless. But why should I feel helpless? Its an awful feeling.
Michael, when you were a child, you were helpless over your parents brutality, and you were also helpless over yourself in many ways. You couldnt just leave and go live with someone else. You couldnt walk away without further punishment. However, today, while you are still helpless over others, you are not helpless over yourself. You can walk away from a situation that doesnt feel good, or you can speak up for yourself. You can also explore difficulties with your family. You didnt have any of these options as a child. But unless you accept your helplessness over others, you will try to control them, and anger is the way youve learned to do it. Anger is your automatic controlling, addictive response to protect against feeling that old helplessness. You will continue to be angry until you accept your helplessness over others - over what they choose to do and who they choose to be.
Helplessness over others is a very hard feeling to accept. For many people, it feels like a life or death feeling, because as infants we were completely helpless and if no one came we would die. Some of us cried and cried and no one came and we felt helpless over living or dying. While today helplessness over others is not usually a life or death experience, the feeling can trigger our infant terror. Most people will do anything to avoid the feeling of helplessness, even though we are no longer helpless over ourselves. Yet until we accept our helplessness over others, we will try to control them, and anger is a major way many people have learned to attempt to control.
It took Michael time to learn how to take care of himself - how to embrace and accept his helpless feelings rather than ignore them or cover them up with anger. As he learned to take loving care of himself and his own feelings and needs, he became more accepting of others feelings and needs. As a result of accepting himself and others, and of learning to feel and manage his painful feelings, his need to control others gradually diminished.
In the course of working with me, Michael learned to access a personal source of spiritual guidance to help him not feel so alone and to know how to take loving care of himself. Michael found that when he was connected with his spiritual guidance, he was much less likely to act out in anger. He found he could manage his difficult feelings of aloneness and helplessness far more easily when he felt the love and support of Spirit.
About The Author
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.
|
?>
News on Self Improvement and Motivation
Workshop on personality development
Neha Foundation will be organising one-week workshop on ‘self-improvement' for students aged between 13 and 19 years from May 21 to 25 between 9.30 a.m. and 1.30 p.m. at No. 153, Bells Road, Chep... After-school activities form well-rounded kids
If you're carting around more than one child to several after-school activities in the hope of rearing learned, talented, self-assured adults, the message from researchers is clear - keep it up, you're on the right track. Toolbox: Prime Cycling Pyramid
As I discussed in my first post, Prime Cycling is defined as “riding at a consistently high level under the most challenging training and race conditions.” Looking back through the years, 5/17/12
Five years ago Pinal Hispanic hosts Eloy Block Party Science Fiction or Fact: Humanlike Intelligent Machines Will Soon Exist
In this weekly series, Life's Little Mysteries rates the plausibility of popular science fiction concepts.
|
