Moving On to Much Better Things After Leaving an Abusive Relationship
?>
Download eBooks and Software
 Text The Romance Back - Earn Major Cash In Weird Niche.
Text The Romance Back Out Converts Everything In The Niche. Now Offering 75% On Front End Plus 50% On Upsells. Earn Major Cash Helping Men And Women Get More Romance At The Push Of A Button. As Seen On Rachael Ray. Go To Http://www.trb-jv.com Now.
Girl Gets Ring - Earn Huge Cash & Make A Difference In The World
Help Millions Of Women Dying To Get Married Now And Earn 75%. High Converting Video Sales Letter By Creator Of Multi-million Best Seller Magic Of Making Up. Unlimited Traffic. Juicy Upsells. For Free Articles, Video And Free Training See Affiliate Page.
Highest Converting Offer For Women
Very High Converting Sales Video Teaches Women The Truth About Men's Minds. Converts Like Crazy To Weight Loss, Relationship And Other Women's Traffic. Over $65 Per Sale. You Get Paid Now And In 30 Days. Http://www.secretsurveyjv.com
Articles > WomenMoving On to Much Better Things After Leaving an Abusive Relationship
by: Terry Hernon MacDonald
Leaving an abusive relationship is difficult, but being alone can feel worse. All your happily married friends are still happily married, and here you are suddenly single. It’s a huge adjustment. Even though you’ve triumphed by getting out of a bad situation, there’s often an underlying sense of failure. There’s enormous pressure to be a couple in this society.
When I was single, the worst part wasn’t loneliness. It was the remarks from people who wanted to know when I was finally going “to hook up for real,” and the warnings from an aunt that I wasn’t getting any younger. The worst comment came after I’d broken up with a man who undermined my confidence, did not turn up when he said he was going to, slapped me so hard my ears rang, and threw a glass of wine in my face. A colleague told me that I could not possibly last without him. “You think you’re happy, but you’d be much happier with a boyfriend,” she said.
It is this attitude, which persists even in 2004, that drives women to date substandard men and put up with ridiculous behavior. It makes it tempting to pick up the phone and ask a rotten fellow if he has plans Friday night, rather than face the prospect of attending a dinner party populated with giddy couples alone.
Maybe you’d like to meet someone new, but the idea of dating makes you nervous. You certainly don’t want to end up with another abuser. Women tend to attract the same type of person again and again, unless they take steps to do otherwise.
That was my story, anyway. After seeing a series of men who ranged from being abusive to emotionally distant, I decided that it was time to stop dating. I would become my own boyfriend. I started treating myself the way the dreamiest man in the world would. The results were fantastic. Two months later, I began my first healthy relationship with a man. I never did fall in love with him, though, so I broke it off. Then the man who would become my husband walked into the picture, starting the most fulfilling relationship I have ever known. What’s more, it’s an easy relationship: no drama, no angst, and no mind games. We’ve been happily married for 12 years.
You can have a healthy, fulfilling love relationship, too. But you have to do some inner work first. Here’s how:
1. Believe that you are capable of it. If all your relationships have been unhealthy, you may not believe that you are capable of a healthy one. Maybe you don’t even know what a happy and mutually supportive relationship is. Find a pen and paper right this minute and write down the qualities your perfect man would possess (hint: he’d be loving, honest, faithful, gentle, and so on). Now write down how you’d feel in a relationship with such a person (peaceful, content, joyous, excited, and so on). Keep these lists with you at all times. Dwell on them whenever you have a minute, perhaps in the ladies’ room at work. It’s especially helpful to read them—and feel the emotions they bring up—for a minimum of 30 days. Do this as you drop off to sleep at night and before you put your feet on the floor in the morning. Your subconscious will go to work on drawing a man with these qualities to you. It may sound like hocus-pocus, but it works.
2. Know that you are a treasure yet to be discovered. Make a list of your own excellent qualities. Bring to mind every important compliment you’ve ever gotten. Recognize that you deserve a healthy relationship. Understand that you are worthy of love, respect, tenderness, and whatever else was missing from--or inconsistent in-- your former relationship. A lot of us have been raised to think it’s conceited to dwell on our good qualities, but you if you haven’t a sense of your own worth, you really can’t attract a man who will give you the love you deserve. It’s imperative that you overcome your own feelings of inadequacy before you date again, or you’re bound to end up with your ex in a different body.
3. Do all the things you put off while you were with Mr. Wrong. Now is the time to do all the things your ex held you back from, whether that means going to a museum or eating in a particular restaurant. Perhaps you’ve dreamed of vacationing in Malta, but your ex insisted on a fishing trip every year. If you can afford it, pencil in some vacation time and go for it-- by yourself. After I decided to become my own best boyfriend, I took myself to San Francisco for four days. I booked a room in a B&B instead of a hotel because I’m shy; the communal breakfasts forced me to talk to other people. As a result, I went sight-seeing with a dancewear designer from South Africa. I enjoyed several meals with a Londoner who’d sold her furniture business to travel around the world. When I returned home to New York, I had a completely new outlook. I felt capable, powerful, and independent. Traveling by myself had a pronounced impact on my subsequent relationships with men; I was no longer willing to take anything less than the finest treatment from them.
4. See a movie by yourself. A friend’s lovely boyfriend once told me, “You’re not an adult until you’ve seen a movie by yourself.” After my last rotten relationship, I took myself to see “Rain Man.” Yes, a couple of less-enlightened jerks did look at me pityingly, but I didn’t care. I walked out of the theater feeling great, even if the movie was overrated. I started going on solo trips to the movies once every couple of weeks, and it was absolutely freeing. I didn’t have to compromise with anybody about what film to see, and I genuinely enjoyed my own company. I began to feel that I could do whatever I wanted.
5. Buy yourself flowers. Once a week, pick out an inexpensive bouquet from the corner grocer. Stop making excuses. Stop telling yourself you can’t afford it, that you should spend your money on something practical, and just buy it. Take it home and put it in one of those empty vases you have lying around. The flowers will cheer you every time you see them. They will make you feel loved.
6. Go out with your old friends. There’s nothing quite like a night out with the girls. If you managed to shut out your friends while you were with What’s-His-Name, you may have some apologizing to do. So go to it, and resolve never to let a man get between you and your friends again. Then, go out and have a blast. Do it often! You deserve it.
7. Treat yourself kindly. Talk to yourself as you would a beloved child. You wouldn’t tell a little one, “You’re so stupid,” or “You’re fat,” so stop saying such things to yourself. Speak to yourself—and treat yourself—like a perfect soul who is progressing every day. A baby doesn’t come into the world with the ability to talk, but it learns eventually. Treat yourself to something wonderful every chance you get. It doesn’t have to cost money. Lose the guilt and eat your lunch in the park instead of tying yourself to your desk. Take a walk in the evening and discover a different part of town. Do things that feel good. If you have the habit of eating takeout because you don’t like “to cook for one,” it’s time to impress the most important person in your life. Cook yourself something simple and delicious. Set the table (no standing over the stove and eating out of the pot) and serve it on your best china. Enjoy it with a single glass of the most delightful wine you can afford.
8. Take a class or join a club. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you’ve heard it before, but it really does make a difference. Everybody has a special interest, and it’s time to explore yours. You’ll develop confidence, meet new people, and most important, get out of the house on a regular basis. When my friend Joe found out that his girlfriend had been cheating on him for 15 years, he packed up her things and listened to sad music for two weeks. Then he moved on. His interests are cooking and the outdoors, so he enrolled in a cooking class and joined a hikers’ club. He made friends through both activities and, before long he was inviting them to his house for dinner parties. One night, a guest brought a female friend along, and Joe fell in love with her. They got married two years ago.
9. Date carefully. After being your own boyfriend for a while, you may want a relationship with a man again. (Or maybe you won’t.) When you’re out on dates, ask yourself if the guy exhibits any of your ex’s qualities. Abusers are utterly charming in the beginning, but they leave clues that indicate they’re not good boyfriend material. Observe carefully. Never make excuses for poor behavior. Ask yourself if the guy is the kind of man you’d like your daughter to marry (whether or not you have one). If the answer is no, give him the slip. Continue to be your own boyfriend until the right fellow shows up. Eventually, he will.
Make time to develop a loving relationship with yourself, and the bad boys you once found irresistible just won’t appeal to you anymore. You will magnetize gentle, fun, upstanding, faithful men, and you’ll be attracted to them, too, for a change. Before you know it, you’ll find yourself in the relationship of your dreams. I did it, and so can you.
About The Author
(c) Terry Hernon MacDonald. Terry writes frequently about dating and relationship issues and is the author of the ebook, "How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams." Visit her website at http://www.marrysmart.com
|
?>
News on Women
Are Women's Mentoring Programs Redundant?
Women develop in key business roles, not through mentoring programs. Are women?s leadership programs a waste of time? Women are assigned under 10 percent of the most crucial business functions in top companies, says a??World Economic Forum??study. The disproportionate "pink ghettos" - or mid-career women in "staff jobs" - will not be remedied by an ... Olympic Athletics History: The Women's Hammer Throw Champions
The women's hammer throw was a recent addition to the Olympic Games making its debut in 2000 at the Sydney Olympics. With the inclusion of the hammer throw for women, both the men and women compete in an equal number of field events at the Olympics, with the only difference being the decathlon for men and the heptathlon for women. The following list takes a look at each of the women to earn ... Fitness May Boost Survival for Women With Breast Cancer
FRIDAY, May 25 (HealthDay News) -- Women with advanced breast cancer who have higher levels of fitness during treatment tend to live longer than women with lower levels of fitness during treatment, new research finds. Women get less information on post-cancer fertility
NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Cancer treatment can sometimes lead to infertility, but young women are less likely than young men to be informed of that risk, a new study suggests. Swedish researchers found that of nearly 500 cancer survivors ages 18 to 45, most men -- 80 percent -- said their doctor had told them their chemotherapy could affect their future fertility. But only 48 percent of women ... Single Women Wonder Where All The Single Men Are Hiding
DEAR ABBY: My friends and I are women in our late 40s and early 50s. Some of us are married, some are single. Individually or as a group we have taken classes, volunteered, gone on cruises, gone to clubs and bars -- you name it.We have noticed that nearly everyone at these activities is either female or with a female as part of a couple. There are loads of single middle-aged women out there ...
|
